Guardian Angel*

I do know that wherever you might be you'll always be looking after us. Right now I wish you weren't in this place I don't know where it is. Right now I just wish you were right here to hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be alright!

I do not like to cry for help, and I do not like to worry everyone basides me... stupid deslikes I have! But this is how I am. Why should I worry someone else if they can't do anything about it? Well, you can argue with me on this and I would probably tell you that you are totally right but I'm not about to change. I have been doing stuff by myself all my life and that's a thing that's hard to change.

I can feel myself standing in the edge and I really don't know where I'm going to fall. All I know is that I will fall eventually.

I do need time for myself without being pressured... that is a thing I cannot see happening... not being pressured, I mean.

I do need time to take care of the little one, and that takes me almost all my free time and then I go back to the point I do need time for myself.

I do need time to take care of my grandmother and that is not an easy task. I do worry about she dying and I tell you that I'm not at all prepared for that moment.

With all this in my head and work I have no more time to spare with anything else. Wish I had but I don't. Until I feel better, relaxed, I feel I cannot make anyone else happy.

The thing is, I'm not unhappy, I just have this total sense of lack of time and power to do stuff and deal with stuff. I do need you, my guardian angel, to come here and whisper in my ear that the time will come where everything will come together as a jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces will make sense.

For now I would settle with the little guy not being poltergeist and my grandmother coming out of the hospital with a positive diagnostic and me not feeling so pressured. Too much to ask? Maybe! But make it as my x-mas wish!

* Não me está a apetecer escrever em português